Friday, May 25, 2012

Another Vlog! or Query Karaoke

As it turns out, this vlogging thing is kind of addictive. Who knew? This is the one where I discuss a few random facts about myself and tell a story about my first query and singing karaoke in front of the cast and crew of the film Hall Pass

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

My First Vlog a.k.a. I'm a Dork

Okay, y'all you're going to love this... My FIRST vlog. *hides under desk*

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Gangsta Style!

Well, you know you've made it to the Big Time when someone writes a rap song about you! I'm sure you all are quite anxious to see what the awesomesauce Kels came up with...

I LOVE IT!!!! *Squishes Gangsta Kels*

All right... go follow her! NOW!!!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

It's Mascot Time!

Okay, for those of you who have been hiding under a theater seat in order to watch Avengers repeatedly without having to break your budget, or have stopped following me because of how obnoxious my Tweeting has become since The Writers Voice Competition began, the gracious writers who made it into the next round (I alas, was not chosen *sniffle*) have decided to adopt me as a mascot.

The past couple of days I have been bribed, coerced, and flattered by the teams because they all want  me for their mascot. Apparently I may have exhibited some form of hilarity and/or enthusiasm that they recognized and decided would be good to have going for them? I dunno, but THIS IS HAPPENING.

So without further ado...

BID: One can of WHOOP-ASS!
While I appreciate the camaraderie Brenda has shown me throughout this competition (more than she knows), I feel that the rest of her team was lacking enthusiasm in the whole mascot thing. They left it up to her to come up with the bid and beg for my representation. I'm going to assume that it's because she's a slave driver and has them all hard at work on their entries for the next round, because I can respect that. I'd hate to think that it was because of sheer laziness or lack of interest in me representing their team that did it. Still, as a mascot, if y'all don't show enthusiasm for me, I can't show enthusiasm for you. It's a give-and-take sort of thing, you see? I hope you understand, Brenda.

BID: Aladdin's Flying Carpet
I owe a lot to this team, because without them, the idea of me being team mascot might not have happened. I was completely flattered that they enjoyed my Tweets so much and were compassionate enough to want to adopt me for mascot. They came out strong with their bids of showering me with cheese and cake, and a clone of a pretty good looking Portugese soccer player I'd never heard of. However, their lack of research skills proved disappointing (If they'd read my blog about Regis, they'd have known to offer me an Australian hottie instead of a Portugese one). But, y'all rock. Don't forget that!

BID: A zombie pony that will not eat me and give me crime fighting powers, and a Time Machine.
This is where the bids got totally serious. I mean, really... Team Monica completely brought the Thunder with their bid. Not only that, but they also made it official in the comments section of my entry which let me know that they'd been paying attention to the criteria I'd set forth and mentioned several times throughout the bidding process. Also, Monica herself left the nicest note on my blog explaining why I didn't quite make the cut (For reals, it's good to know!) I'm a preschool teacher. I appreciate Good Listeners. Team Monica, seriously, y'all did NOT make this easy... I think if you'd offered me a Zombie Pony that actually WAS a Time Machine, it would have tipped the scales in your favor, because that would have blown my mind!

Bid: A Personalized rap video by Kels Not Chels HERSELF Posted on YouTube for all the world to see.
I was really worried that Team Cupid wasn't even interested at all, because they'd been so quiet about bidding. But, now I see it wasn't because of lack of interest, but because they were busy coming up with the COOLEST IDEA EVAR. Honestly, you guys... you KNOW you want to see this video! 
Because of the competition, and because I want everyone to do a great job, I've decided to let Kels focus on making her writing awesome first. So, I am taking this offer on GOOD FAITH and hope that I can come back and post the debut of Kels' own rap video featuring MOI no later than:

SATURDAY MAY 19th 2012

It's out there, Kels. Don't let us down! You do NOT want to disappoint a Pregnant Aries. Just sayin'. 

Doing this mascot bidding thing was a lot of fun and I got a little bit of a glimpse into how difficult it was for the judges to choose their teams. We're all good people here, working toward the common goal of getting published. We all think OUR idea is the BEST idea, and that is how it SHOULD be. If we weren't in love with our story and our characters, there would be no passion in our writing and the readers would notice. 

That being said, though I choose to be mascot for TEAM CUPIDS LC and cheer my enthusiastic little booty off for them, I firmly reserve the right to cheer for any and all AWESOMENESS that I see, because Awesomeness deserves to be recognized when Awesomeness happens!

I'd also like to say thank you to all the really cool new friends I've made through this experience. It's turned into a great community that I'm terribly excited to be a part of. If anyone needs an extra eye for their work, or a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to HIGH FIVE, I'll be right here for ya ;o)


Sunday, May 6, 2012

The Time I Almost Got Regis Philbin Hit By A Cab

Hey y'all! In order to distract myself from The Writer's Voice Contest I've decided to tell you about the time I nearly got Regis Philbin killed.

It wasn't on purpose, and it might not have been entirely my fault... well... how about I tell you the story and let you decide for yourself?

This happened waaaay back a billion years ago in 2001. I was a freshman at Pace University in New York City and best buds with my next door neighbor in the dorm. Now, I just tell everybody we were actual roommates because I really spent more time over there with her than in my own room*.

So, anyway. My next door neighbor had a huge crush on Hugh Jackman. I was head-over-heels for Heath Ledger (we both liked our Aussies!) And it turned out that Hugh Jackman was in town doing a press tour for his new movie with Ashley Judd Someone Like You. OF COURSE we had to go see him!

We even SKIPPED CLASS to do it. I know. I'd never, ever skipped a class ever. I didn't know college was different and you could show up whenever. It was a big deal. I'm a nerd. Whatevs.

My pal woke me up as she did every morning, by blasting her radio through the wall right next to my head and throwing a rubber ball just like Toby Zeigler on "The West Wing".

We did our hair and make-up and got all pretty because we just KNEW that Hugh Jackman would see us and fall madly in love with my friend. And, because Hugh Jackman is from Australia and so was Heath Ledger and since they were both actors they were automatically best friends so Hugh would introduce me to Heath who would then fall madly in love with me and they would be each other's best men at our weddings and we would all live happily ever after drinking champagne in our yachts and snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef.

By the time the subway ride was over and we made it uptown to the Live! With Regis and Kelly studio we had it all worked out. IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

There was only us and a couple of other stalkers fans waiting so it was super easy to get stand-by tickets. While we were waiting outside to be called and my friend and I were thinking of what we were going to name our beautiful Australian children, I glanced across the street and saw Regis Philbin at the corner carrying a briefcase.

I poked my friend and said, "Hey! Look! It's Regis!"

Now, you have to remember, this was back in the hey day when Regis was all famous from doing his show with Kelly Ripa and also "Who Wants to be a Millionaire", you know, when it was still cool and Meredith Viera hadn't made it lame yet (I saw her too, later that same day over at The View, but that's Part 2 of this adventure)

For those of you around then, remember how fun it was to yell at your friends "HEY REEG!!" every time you saw them? Yeah. There I was watching the ACTUAL Regis Philbin in the FLESH come TOWARDS ME. So, of course 19 year-old Sarey thought it would be absolutely HYSTERICAL to scream that very thing at him.

He was way across the street.

He wouldn't see me.

There were other people around.

Even if he knew what direction I yelled from, he wouldn't know it was actually me.

So I turned to my friend and said, "Should I yell HEY REEG at him?"

She cracked up and said, "I dare you!"

It was a DARE. What was I supposed to do?

I sucked in a deep breath and yelled out "HEEEEY REEEEEG!!!"

Right when he was smack in the middle of the crosswalk.

And he stopped and looked around.

Right. In the middle. Of the street.

He stayed there, trying to figure out who yelled at him. My friend and I ducked for cover, but there was nowhere to go, so we just sort of held on to each other as the light changed.


A monstrous Yellow Cab revved up its engine and started to go.

I swear y'all, time stopped. It came SOCLOSE to running right over the poor man. I thought for sure he was a total gonner.

But just in time he got out of the way and ran to the curb.

When he got to our side of the street he looked at me and said, "Was that you? You coulda got me killed!"

I seriously thought about throwing myself right out in front of traffic right then and there. I was mortified. I couldn't even say anything. I watched him fix his coat and stroll right into the studio without a second glance.

I turned to my friend and we stared at each other for at least thirty seconds before I said, "I almost got Regis Philbin killed."

She nodded slowly.

"That was SO COOL!" she said.

And we erupted into a bouncing mess of girly squeals.

"Pfft," I said. "Everybody said I wouldn't actually meet anybody famous in New York. As if!"

And that was the time I almost got Regis Philbin killed by a cab.

*Takes bow*

Stay tuned for more of my adventures and tales with famous people. I know y'all want to hear about what it was like to touch Hugh Jackman (not like THAT. Get your minds out of the gutter people! WhatEVER, I shook his hand.) I can't make any promises as to when I'll post, but now that I know more people are following this than my cousin (Hi Holley!) I'll be more likely to try and keep you entertained. Feel free to throw rotten tomatoes my way if you haven't heard from me in awhile!


*Side Note: My ACTUAL roommate was a sex crazed maniac and it always smelled gross in there. She even kept a giant cucumber in the mini-fridge. I didn't ask questions, but I really hope she used a condom. Bless her.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Writer's Voice Contest

I've always been a serious believer in the power of words. Obviously. I'm a writer.

*sips tea and settles in to rocking chair*

But, for serious y'all, words are powerful, and saying things out loud tends to make them happen. I keep telling my husband this because he has a way of speaking things into reality like no one I've ever seen before. It's a sight to behold.

Not long ago, I was discussing an idea with my friends while I was watching The Voice, saying how cool it would be if there was something like the show but for writers instead of singers...


The lovely people over at Cupid's Literary Connection, Brenda Drake Writes, Love YA, and Mother. Write. (Repeat.) are doing EXACTLY THAT THING!

See? Words = Power.

Not only that, but I totally snagged a spot and I'm ENTERED as #44. I can't wait to show off the query and first 250 words of my 65, 000 word Urban Fantasy THE SHIFTING DARKNESS. So here it is...


Twenty-four year old Sidney Lake doesn’t know if aliens or the Men in Black exist, but she does know the supernatural world is alive and kicking right under the noses of busy New Yorkers. For Sidney, hunting down the monsters with her partner Graham Williams is as commonplace as buying a cup of coffee and the morning newspaper from the cart on the corner. 
When a strange corpse is found on an abandoned subway platform and a board member conjures a demon he can’t control, it’s Sidney’s job to keep those caffeinated New Yorkers focused on their morning crossword puzzle instead of what’s going on around them.
While investigating the origins of the John Doe from the subway platform, Sidney gets attacked by two creatures that are supposed to have been extinct for centuries. Before she can manage to put a bullet through its head, one of the creatures sinks its teeth into her shoulder. Sidney wins the fight, but now her own humanity is called into question.
She turns to her boss, mentor, and sometimes lover, Mitch Harris for help and comfort. Mitch doesn’t have all the answers, but he knows someone who might. Mr. Dimitrius has information about what and who Sidney is, but it’s vastly different from anything she could have imagined. 


She smelled it before she saw it. Like always, the stink of the crime scene crept ahead of the gory view itself and Sidney Lake knew this one was bad. The meaty smell of torn flesh, the copper scent of blood mixed with the tinge of electricity buzzing from the third rail of the subway tracks below, the stink of an opened bowel swirled with the filth of scavenging rats. It all made Sidney very glad she hadn’t had time for breakfast when she’d gotten the call.

“Sorry about the late hour, Sidney,” Dr. Tom Fellows said. The New York City Medical Examiner lifted the yellow tape marking off the crime scene and Sidney ducked under.

“It’s not late anymore. It’s early,” Sidney said, and gave him a half smile to let him know she didn’t mind.

Tom would have made a good linebacker thirty years ago, if he’d been taller. Instead, he’d chosen the lab over sports. Now his shoulders had a curve to them that never seemed to go away. A result of decades of being hunched over a table dissecting human cadavers for a living.

She never saw Tom so happy as when he’d discovered something incredible in the lab, Something no one else had seen before, which happened often in their line of work. 

“Been down here too long.” The medical examiner removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Despite his tiredness, he was buzzing with that energy he got when there was something big going on. 

“What have you got?” Sidney asked.